Remembering Dad

When I was in the third grade, I attended Washington Elementary School [now defunct] and walked home every day to eat lunch that my dad prepared.

He was a blue-collar worker who after years of laboring became disabled due to severe arthritis and bursitis in both his arms, hands and leg. It limited his physical strength and impeded his ability to walk.

During his younger and more vibrant years, he walked with a cane as a fashion statement; it later became a constant dependency. My olfactory senses are still sensitive to the anti-arthritic topical medicine he used: Heat.

In spite of his disability, my dad’s presence was always reassuring and he made me feel safe. My dad was awesome! Despite his disabilities, his presence spoke volumes and he earned his position as head of household.

Before my father and mother started their family together, they joined the United Methodist Church in New Jersey in the early 1950s. They were the first African-American couple to integrate the church. Soon thereafter, several people of color became members of the same church. Today, there is a large population of Africans and African-Americans parishioners attending the same church.

Thomas Jefferson, the third president of the United States (1801-09) and architect of the Declaration of Independence once said, “I have always said that a studious perusal of the sacred volume will make better citizens, better fathers, and better husbands.”

I recall a December morning I strolled into the house after playing in the backyard. My dad was sitting on the cedar chest, which held mom’s sewing materials, in the dining room. He leaned to one side and began making a loud, snoring sound. I went into the kitchen and said, “Mom, Daddy is snoring really loud!” She walked into the dining room, shook him on the shoulder and called his name. “John! John! Oh my God, he’s having a heart attack!” she said as she rushed back into the kitchen to call for an ambulance.

At eight years old, I wasn’t sure what that meant exactly but, what I did know for certain, it wasn’t good. They ambulance arrived and took him to the hospital. Eleven days prior to one of the most decorated holidays, Christmas, I was fatherless.

The third Sunday in June is recognized as Father’s Day in which we pay homage to our fathers, grandfathers, godfathers, stepfathers, uncles, brothers, husbands, the father of our children and those men who serve as positive role models in our lives and those of our offspring.

Is there a difference between a father and a daddy? Emphatically, I say, absolutely!

Men who embrace their role as a daddy have an awesome responsibility of imparting wisdom, showing children how to love, respect and care for their mothers, teaching self-restraint, disciplining, protecting, educating, training them how to become self-sufficient, making wise choices, developing their spiritual lives, providing financial resources, giving instruction on how to become a productive member of society, and the list goes on.

There are several definitions of “father.” For the sake of buttressing my point, I will use the following: to attribute the paternity, creation or origin of.  My personal definition of “daddy/dad” is: a term of endearment given to the responsible man by the child who initiates the fulfillment of the aforementioned particulars and is endorsed by the female counterpart.

Award-winning Recording Artist Jill Scott has a rhythmic song titled "The Fact Is."

The song is a conversation she is having with her estranged significant other. Unequivocally, she states “I can be a congresswoman, garbage woman, police officer, carpenter, doctor and lawyer, mother; I can be a computer and list; the queen with the nappy hair raising the fist or I can be much more and a myriad of this; Hot as the summer and sweet as the first kiss; Even though I can do all these things … we need you."

She needs help in training the boy in becoming a man.

The 2008 U.S. Census states that 32.3 percent of Maryland households are headed by single-parent mothers.

In essence, a man’s presence is greater than his presents. Women need assistance with teaching a boy how to become a responsible, loving and respectful man, and with teaching a girl how she should be treated. Holding a door open for a woman is not a courtesy, it’s expected. The qualities of chivalry should be a standard and taught consistently.

We salute all of the men who embrace the blessing of being a daddy and honor you for your commitment in molding the next generation.

Anyone can be a father, but it takes an extra-special man to earn the title of daddy. And yes, there is a difference.

Until then … let’s celebrate dads (and father-figures) everywhere!